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About London

The movie again, that scene where they’re by the river, all slow and dreamy—I bet if they had sexual-massage back then, Pocahontas and John Smith would’ve been all, “Let’s connect, baby!” But no, they just stared at each other, which, honestly, is less awkward. I’d rather stare awkwardly than have someone rub me down while I’m stressing about my cellulite.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? We all pile out into the street, and I’m thinking, “This is just perfect.” We’re standing there, waiting for the fire brigade, and I’m chatting with this guy from the next group. He’s got this wild hair and a skateboard. We bond over our mutual disdain for fire drills.

Heston Blumenthal hikes price of a Christmas dinner at the Fat Duck to an eye-watering £450-per-head (and it's