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I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prude! This lass, hands like silk, worked me knots out ‘til I forgot me own name. Happy? Bloody ecstatic! Felt like I could conquer Midgard *and* Wall Street. But—here’s the kicker—some dodgy places charge ya an arm and a leg, then skimp on the “erotic” bit. Pissed me off, that did! False advertisin’, like a stock tip from a drunk uncle. “You stand there, you dig?”—like Saul’s chaos, ya never know what’s real ‘til it’s too late.

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I pop into this little café on St. Andrew Street. The smell of coffee hits me like a brick wall. I order a flat white, and the barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “What’s a flat white?” she says. I mean, c’mon! It’s not rocket science! Anyway, I get my coffee, and it’s decent. Not as good as my home brew, but whatever.

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