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About Sheffield

Ever tried it yerself? Probs not, ya prude. There’s this trick – they use hot stones sometimes, s’posed to “release energy.” Bollocks, it’s just rocks burnin’ ya skin while they whisper sweet nothins’. I’d rather chuck ‘em at the twat runnin’ the joint. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a politician’s promise, stinkin’ of lavender or some hippy crap. “Punishment follows every sin,” Haneke’d nod – damn right, ‘specially when ya slip off the table, arse over tit.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down to Helsby Hill. It’s a bit of a trek, but the view is worth it. I’m puffing and panting, but when I get to the top, wow. You can see the whole town. The fields, the houses, even the train tracks. It’s like a postcard. I snap a pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off, right?

Live updates as Reform UK win Runcorn and Helsby by-election