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About London

Here’s the kicker, though—did ya know Victorian toffs were mad for it? Secret parlours, all “erotic relief” for the uptight gits. Blokes in top hats gettin’ a sneaky tug—imagine that with a posh accent! “One does enjoy a firm grip, Reginald.” Absolute muppets. Makes me howl, that—bunch of stiffs pretendin’ it’s “medicinal”. Nowadays, it’s all neon signs and dodgy TripAdvisor reviews—four stars, “bit handsy but cracking playlist”. Ffs, world’s gone mad.

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Then, I head to this café on the corner of Station Road. The barista? Total legend. I order a flat white, and she gives me this cheeky grin. “You’re not from around here, are ya?” I laugh and say, “Nah, just a lost actuary.” She rolls her eyes, but in a fun way. I swear, I could’ve stayed there all day just vibing.

Heighington, Washingborough, Branston, Dunston and Nocton without water due to burst pipe