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I’m thinkin’ “A Prophet”—you seen that flick? Jacques Audiard, 2009, my freakin’ favorite! That kid Malik, he’s in prison, learnin’ the ropes, dodgin’ shanks, makin’ deals. Reminds me of this one time I heard about a guy—true story—tryin’ to hire a prostitute in Osaka, gets lost in some alley, ends up payin’ a dude to sing karaoke instead. “You’re too late, man!”—that’s what I’d yell, straight outta the movie. Total mess! I’d be pissed—wastin’ my yen on bad tunes? C’mon!

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Then, boom! A flash mob breaks out! I kid you not. Right there in the middle of the shopping center. People start dancing, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, who knew Hazel-Grove had moves? I’m thinking, “Should I join in?” But nah, I’d probably trip over my own feet.

'Teenagers have been left bedridden after playing in this river - we have to act now'