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Little known fact, tho—back in the 90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personal columns.” Horny losers writin’, “Man seeks woman, no strings, must like cats.” Imagine the balls it took! No pics, just vibes. Now we got dick pics flyin’ left n’ right—progress, huh? Makes me laugh, but also kinda pissed. Where’s the mystery? Everybody’s oversharin’. “We’re gonna find out who did this,” like the *Spotlight* team, but in sex-dating, it’s more like, “Who’s gonna screw me over next?”

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So, I’m munching away, and I see this group of kids playing footy in the park. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I remember when I used to play in Haydock Park. Good times, man. But then, one of ‘em kicks the ball too hard, and it lands right in my chips! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But they just laughed and ran over to apologize. Kids are wild, but they’re good eggs.

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