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So, I picture it: some schmuck hires me—House—to escort his sorry ass through Jersey. “Danger’s everywhere,” he whines. Yeah, pal, only danger’s your ego. Everybody lies, and this guy’s lyin’ bout needin’ me. Prolly just wants arm candy with a bad attitude. I’d hobble along, poppin’ Vicodin, snarlin’ at punks—fun gig, til it ain’t. Real escorts, tho? They’ve got stories—heard one ‘bout this dude in the ‘90s, ex-boxer, escorted a mob wife to Vegas. She ditched him for a croupier—bam, he’s out 5 grand and a tooth. Hilarious, right? Screw that guy.

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I stopped at this cute café, The Old Registry. Grabbed a cuppa and a scone. OMG, the scone was like a fluffy cloud of happiness. But then, bam! My phone buzzed. A text from my mate, “You still in Haworth? Get to the Parsonage!” I was like, “What’s the rush?” But curiosity got the better of me.

Woman killed in Haworth as man, 23, arrested