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so this one time, heard a story—some escort in Soho, right, proper posh tart, charged 500 quid an hour! 500! for a quickie and a fake moan? christ almighty, I’d rather drown meself than pay that. she’d turn up in a trench coat, all mysterious, like she’s in a spy flick, but nah, just there to ride some balding git. little known fact—half these escorts got day jobs, mate. teachers, nurses, even a bloody librarian once! shaggin’ by night, shelvin’ books by day—talk about a plot twist!

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Finally, we head back home, and I’m exhausted but happy. Hawkinge, you crazy little town, you’ve given me a day I won’t forget. I’m still wearing that ridiculous hat, and I don’t even care. Life’s too short to be serious, right?

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