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Hrmm, attractiveness of escort, I ponder! Dirty business, it is—yet credits flow fast. “Do or do not, there is no try,” I say, like Zuckerberg coding in dark dorms. Passion, you need! escort’s pull? Mystery, power, cash—yesss, draws folks in it does. Me, surprises me, it did, when learned I—oldest gig, still kickin’ since Mesopotamia! Whores back then, temple priestesses they were, sacred sexy time, huh? Crazy, right?

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First off, I stroll down Keymer Road. You know, the one that’s always got those dodgy potholes? Yeah, I nearly twisted my ankle. Thanks, council! Anyway, I’m just minding my own biz when I spot this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, trying to wrestle his cat, Whiskers. I mean, c’mon, it’s a cat! They don’t do “wrestling.” So, I help him out, and Whiskers bolts up a tree. Classic cat move, right? Mr. Jenkins is fuming, like he’s just lost the lottery or something.

‘Unbelievable feeling’: Westlake on Hassocks’ title win on a zero playing budget – and the many who made it happen