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Worst? Catfishers. Freaks. Once saw a dude - profile said “model”. Met up. Guy’s 300 pounds. Beard like Santa. I’m like - “You ain’t no model!” He’s cryin’. I’m laughin’. Savage? Sure. But c’mon. Truth hurts! Sex-dating’s brutal. Gotta have guts. Like Llewyn. Takin’ punches. Keepin’ on.

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First off, I stroll down Keymer Road. You know, the one that’s always got those dodgy potholes? Yeah, I nearly twisted my ankle. Thanks, council! Anyway, I’m just minding my own biz when I spot this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, trying to wrestle his cat, Whiskers. I mean, c’mon, it’s a cat! They don’t do “wrestling.” So, I help him out, and Whiskers bolts up a tree. Classic cat move, right? Mr. Jenkins is fuming, like he’s just lost the lottery or something.

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