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Me tried it once—oh yesss—some parlour, dim lights, weird music. Lady says, “Relax, hon,” and me thinks, “Hon?! I ain’t no hon!” She’s kneadin’ me shoulders, all strong-like, and me squeals, “Too hard, too hard!” Felt like WALL-E’s trash compactor, squishin’ me flat! “WALL-E not built for this!” me brain screams. But then—hiss—gets good, real good. Warm oil, soft rubs, me melts a bit. “Maybe… maybe me likes,” me whispers, all sneaky.

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Back at the office, things are still chaotic. I’m trying to salvage my day, but the market’s like a rollercoaster. Up, down, up, down. I’m sweating bullets. I can’t even think straight. I’m like, “Why did I choose this job?” But then, I remember the thrill. The rush. It’s addictive, like that first sip of a cold pint after a long day.

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