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But ugh, the grime—sticky streets, gross vibes. Hmmmm… why can’t they just legalize it? Less hassle, more tax bucks! I’d tell Homer, “Get a job, not a hooker!”—he’d laugh, the dope. Oh, and this one time, heard a rumor—some prossie was a ventriloquist! Talkin’ dirty with a dummy—hilarious, right? Prolly fake, but I’m dyin’ laughin’ anyway.

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After the dive, I hit up the Hartlepool Headland. The views are insane! You can see the lighthouse, and the North Sea stretching out forever. I took a moment, just breathing it all in. Then, I saw this kid flying a kite. It was all over the place, like it had a mind of its own. I laughed so hard, I nearly choked on my gum.

'It's abundantly clear that people are not happy': Hartlepool's MP reacts to Reform election successes