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I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’ *Tabu* again—“the crocodile’s jaws tighten”—and this bird’s kneadn’ me bits like dough! Made me happy as a pig in muck, but bloody hell, once—once!—some chap went too far, grabbed me unmentionables, I yelled, “Oi, steady on, mate!” Nearly clocked him, I was fumin’—*ira mea surgit*! Ain’t no one touchin’ Boris’ crown jewels uninvited!

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Finally, the day’s winding down. I’m exhausted but kinda pumped. I grab my stuff and head to the pub for quiz night. I meet up with Dave and the gang. We’re laughing, joking, and I’m finally relaxing.

RECAP after crowds gather in London for start of four days of VE Day events