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Here’s a quirky bit—some pros use feathers, not just hands. Feathers! Who knew? Tickles like hell, then bam, shivers down yer spine. I’d probs laugh my arse off first, ruin the mood—typical me. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dodgy “massage parlors”—those ain’t it, chief. Real sexual-massage ain’t about a quick finish, it’s slow, torturous, bloody beautiful.

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After the rain, the sun comes back. Typical British weather, right? I’m tryin’ to salvage my day, so I head over to the Turkish Baths. I mean, who doesn’t love a good steam? I walk in, and it’s like stepping into another world. The smell of eucalyptus hits me, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I chill there for a bit, and it’s pure bliss.

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