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So yeah, sex-dating’s a riot. Mad, messy, brill. Bit like *The Social Network* – genius, flawed, addictive. You tried it, mate? Gotta jump in, it’s a laugh! "You’re gonna go far!" – nah, just to her flat, probz! Cheeky sod, I am!

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First customer walks in. It’s this dude, all hipster vibes, with a beard that could house a family of squirrels. He orders a flat white, and I’m like, “Sure, mate, coming right up!” But the machine’s like, “Nah, not today.” I’m sweating bullets, trying to fix it. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “Why today of all days?”

‘You can’t deny the people forever’. Kurdish voices in exile