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Fun fact—studies say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Disgustin’. People too lazy to hit a bar? What’s next, robot wives? Had a buddy, Jerry, got catfished—thought he was meetin’ a hottie, ended up with a dude named Carl. Laughed my ass off, then punched a wall. This crap’s a gamble—half the time, you’re dodgin’ creeps or STDs. “Let’s keep this moment,” Bob says. Yeah, keep it away from me, pal.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s got a massive dog with him. I mean, HUGE. Like, I’m pretty sure it’s part bear. The dog starts sniffing around, and I’m like, “Dude, keep your bear on a leash!” But the guy’s just chillin’, ordering a mocha like it’s no big deal. I’m trying to focus, but the dog’s now eyeing the pastries. I’m sweating again, thinking, “Please don’t eat the croissants!”

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