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Exaggerate, I will—imagine me, lightsaber out, bustin’ into a brothel. “Freedom, you deserve!” I yell. Girls blink— “Green dude, chill, we good.” Oops, overdid it! But real talk—findin’ one ain’t just “point, click, bang.” Risks, there are—cops, creeps, STDs, yikes! Known this guy—total nerf herder—got robbed blind by a “date.” Dumbass didn’t check reviews—pro tip, always do!

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Then, this lovely old lady comes in. She’s a regular, always orders a cappuccino with extra foam. I love her. She’s got this twinkle in her eye, and she starts chatting about the weather. “Oh, it’s so dreary today!” she says. I’m like, “Yeah, but at least we’re not in the North Pole!” She laughs, and it’s like a little sunshine in the chaos.

Historic pub closed for more than a year may reopen with new name