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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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So, I’m walking down the High Street, right? And I see this massive crowd outside the Harlesden Market. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some insane tricks. This dude was juggling flaming torches! I mean, who does that? I was like, “Bro, you’re gonna set the whole place on fire!” But he was killing it. I felt a bit of that Harlesden spirit, you know? Everyone was hyped, clapping, laughing.

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