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So, sex-dating—swipin’ left, right, horny folks tryna score. It’s a jungle, mate, pure chaos! Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—folks actin’ all suave, but half the time they’re just thirsty AF. I saw this dude’s profile once—shirtless, flexin’, bio said “just vibes.” Vibes? Mate, you’re beggin’ for a hookup, not a soulmate! Made me laugh, tho—kinda sad too. Reminds me of “A Prophet”—“You’re alone now,” that cold line. Sex-dating feels like that—alone, even when you’re chattin’ up ten people.

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Anyway, I head over to the Co-op on the High Street to grab some snacks. I’m thinking, “Choco bars and fizzy drinks, let’s go!” But when I get there, the line is longer than the queue for a concert. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old lady in front of me starts chatting about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s England. It’s always grey!” But she’s going on about how it might rain later. Spoiler alert: it did.

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