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About London

What pisses me off? The fakes, mang. Girls pretendin’ they’re into you, then ghostin’ after the cash. Surprised me once—found a pro who played guitar better than me! Swear, she shredded “Black Magic Woman” while countin’ my bills—fuckin’ wild. “Her fragrance still lingered”—that’s from the movie, and yeah, her cheap perfume stuck to my jacket for days.

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Anyway, I head over to the Co-op on the High Street to grab some snacks. I’m thinking, “Choco bars and fizzy drinks, let’s go!” But when I get there, the line is longer than the queue for a concert. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old lady in front of me starts chatting about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s England. It’s always grey!” But she’s going on about how it might rain later. Spoiler alert: it did.

Who’s been in court from Northampton, Daventry, Hardingstone, Earls Barton, Silverstone and East Haddon