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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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But then, just as we’re about to wrap up, it starts pouring. I mean, typical Halifax weather, right? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s like the sky’s opened up. We dash back to the car, soaked to the bone. I’m laughing, though. “Well, at least we’re not in a drought!”

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