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Once had this bird – proper fit – givin’ me a sexual-massage, and I’m mumblin’, “Sharon, ya gotta try this!” Slippery hands everywhere, I’m half mad, half in love – surprised me how bloody good it felt! Ain’t just horny nonsense – it’s therapy, innit? Relaxes ya, then whacks ya with a zing! “Look at the stars,” I’m thinkin’, like in the movie – cosmic shit, mate.

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Finally, I make my way back home. I’m exhausted but happy. Halesowen, you crazy town, you’ve got my heart. I mean, who knew a day could be so wild? From pigeon poop to pints and pasties, it’s been a rollercoaster.

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