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Exaggeration time: these apps are like a jungle! Swipes are bullets, matches are treasures, and ghostin’? That’s the monster in the dark. Grr! It’s stressful, but addictin’. I spent, like, four hours one night just tappin’ screens. Pathetic, right? But I found a story—some guy met his wife on Tinder! Ten years later, still together. Shocked me, man. Hope’s still out there.

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First off, I hit the High Street. You know, the main drag where all the shops are? I’m just trying to grab a coffee from that little café, The Coffee House. But nah, there’s a line longer than the Thames! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, people, it’s just coffee!” Finally, I get my flat white, and it’s lukewarm. Like, what even? I’m ready to throw it at the wall, but I just sip it instead. Gotta keep it classy, right?

Every town councillor ordered to training after conduct breach