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But oh, the highs? When it works, it’s gold. Met this one chick—fiery, all sass, matched my vibe. We’re chattin’, flirtin’, next thing ya know, it’s a hotel room tango. Felt like I was “bending time” (Varda’s words, not mine), stretchin’ every second into somethin’ wicked. That’s the thrill—ya never know if yer gettin’ a goddess or a gremlin. Keeps me buzzin’, ya feel?

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But then, I get this email. It’s from the ethics board. They’re questioning our latest study. My heart drops. I mean, seriously? We’ve been working on this for months! I’m fuming. I can’t even. I’m pacing around the office, muttering to myself. “What do they want from us? Blood?”

Councillor claims locals are to blame for speeding problems in East Lothian