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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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After the jam, I stroll down to the Priory. Guisborough Priory is stunning, man. The ruins are so chill, and I always get inspired there. I sit on a bench, strummin’ a few chords, lost in my thoughts. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just some old stones!” But hey, whatever floats their boat, right?

Man jailed for his part in violent assault in Guisborough.