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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escorts, huh? Freakin’ sweet deal if ya ask me. Some dude pays for a hot chick to hang out—way better than sittin’ alone like a loser! Reminds me of *Her*, ya know, that movie where Joaquin’s all “Oh, I love my AI girlfriend!” Escorts are like that, but real—flesh, boobs, the whole package! “I’m not a mistake!”—that’s what they’d say, struttin’ around, makin’ cash.

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Then, I see Mrs. Thompson from down the road. She’s always got somethin’ to say. “Oh, dear, your roses are lookin’ a bit sad, aren’t they?” I’m like, “Thanks, Mrs. T, I’ll just sprinkle some magic fairy dust on ‘em!” Seriously, she’s a sweet old lady, but sometimes I just wanna scream.

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