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About Leeds

So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

The 40-year-old man and 39-year-old woman are due to appear at Greenock Sheriff Court next month.

A WAR of words has broken out between police chiefs and a councillor over the extent of the crime of human trafficking in Inverclyde.

But then, I see one of the kids trip and fall. He starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the tears!” But then, his mates rush over, and they’re all laughing and helping him up. It’s like a scene from a movie, and I’m just sitting there, grinning like an idiot.

Singers and musicians get ready to hit high notes at Greenock charity concert