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Oh, and the weirdos! Met this one gal, obsessed with feet—kept askin’ for toe pics. Toe pics! I’m like, “What is this, a fetish buffet?” Laughed my ass off, but also—ew, no thanks! Still, beats sittin’ home alone, right? Like Carol says, “I don’t wanna feel alone anymore.” Sex-dating’s my cure—sometimes works, sometimes flops.

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I rush over to her place on Lichfield Road. When I get there, the whole family’s gathered. And there’s Mabel, waving her arms like a madwoman. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. The cat’s just chilling on a branch, looking down like, “What’s the fuss?” I grab a ladder, and after a bit of a struggle, I finally get the cat down. Everyone’s cheering like I just won a medal or something. I’m like, “It’s just a cat, people!”

Man bailed after woman killed and three people injured in two-car Great Wyrley crash