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We hates it! Slippery bastards chargin’ 50 quid for “extras.” Saw this geezer, braggin’ online—X post said, “Best massage ever!” Linked a dodgy site, probs a scam. Checked his profile—total perv, no surprise. Gets me ragin’, exploitin’ lonely sods. But—get this—some say it’s “healin’.” Bullshit! Had a mate, swore it fixed his back. Next day? He’s limpin’ worse! Laughed my arse off, stupid git.

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After the rain calms down, I head out. I decide to stroll down to the local park, King George V Playing Fields. It’s a nice spot, loads of green, kids running around. But then, I see this dog. A massive Rottweiler, just chilling. And I’m thinking, “That dog looks like it could eat my lunch.” But then it starts chasing a squirrel, and I’m cracking up. Like, come on, buddy, you’re not catching that little furball!

Crafty morning in Great Wyrley goes down a storm as villagers look ahead