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So, buy or nah? I’m torn, fam. If gold pops off, escort’s your girl—could hit $20 easy. But if it tanks, ugh, I’m cryin’ like Adèle after a breakup. “I miss you already,” I’d say to my portfolio. How you doin’ with that risk? Me, I’m a sucker for the thrill—Joey’s all in, baby!

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First off, I’m supposed to meet some students at the café on High Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? Yeah, that one. I get there, and it’s packed. Like, who knew everyone in Great-Wakering was a coffee addict? I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this kid spills his drink all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on, mate! My kicks were fresh!

Great Wakering suffer play-off agony against Woodford