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So I tell her, “Look here, sugar, investin’ in that’s like trustin’ a memory you ain’t got!” *Memento* style, y’see? She’s all starry-eyed, thinkin’ she’s gonna be some madam mogul. I’m like, “Who’s gonna manage it? You can’t even keep your checkbook straight!” Made me laugh ‘til I cried—me, a big-haired fool, tryna talk sense into her.

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First off, I’m supposed to meet some students at the café on High Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? Yeah, that one. I get there, and it’s packed. Like, who knew everyone in Great-Wakering was a coffee addict? I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this kid spills his drink all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on, mate! My kicks were fresh!

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