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Oh, and the weirdos! Met this one chick—sex-dating pro, right? She’s all, “I collect toenails, wanna see?” I’m like, “Uh, hard pass, lady!” Laughed my ass off later, but in the moment? Freaked me out! Sex-dating’s got all types—kinky, sweet, total nutjobs. Keeps it spicy, tho! Like *Under the Skin*—you never know what’s under the surface, man. “There’s something inside you,” I’m thinkin’—hopefully not a serial killer, ha!

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So, I’m walking down the High Street, minding my own biz, when I bump into this old mate from school. We start chatting, and he’s like, “Dude, I’m a professional llama trainer now.” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, who even knew that was a thing? I’m still trying to wrap my head around it when my phone buzzes. It’s a client. Panic mode activated.

Masked burglars carry out spate of late-night break-ins at Devon shops