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I spot one – legs long, eyes sharp, leanin on a lamppost. Heart’s racin, I’m sweatin – we wants it! “You’re not from here,” she says, smirkin. I’m thinkin, “No shit, lady, I’m a bloody mess!” Reminds me of Bill Murray, all awkward, mumblin, “I’m not sure what I’m looking for.” I’m vibin that, hard. She’s chattin me up, price comes up – fuck, too steep! We hates it! “Robbery, that is!” I hiss, stompin off. She laughs, calls me cheap. Cheeky bitch.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave shows up. He’s always got my back. He’s like, “Yo, what’s up?” I’m like, “Dude, my webcam’s being a total jerk!” He just laughs and says, “Maybe it’s trying to tell you to take a break.” I mean, he’s not wrong, but I’m not about to let a piece of tech ruin my day.

Air ambulance attend A413 crash in Great Missenden