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Fuckin’ mental, though—some places got mirrors! Watchin’ yourself get saucy? Grim as a war flick—“Look at me, I’m the king!”—nah, just a sweaty punter. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Beats choppin’ onions or screamin’ at twats in me kitchen. Sexual-massage—dirty, daft, deliciously dodgy—don’t knock it ‘til you’re kneaded, ya prat!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I woke up in Great Harwood, right? You know, that little gem in Lancashire. It’s got this vibe, ya know? Quaint streets, like, what’s that one? Queen Street? Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, I’m rambling.

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