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Oh, nearly forgot - ever hear bout “catfishin’”? Some prick pretends they’re a hottie, then bam, you meet, and it’s a disaster. Happened to my mate Dave, he was fumin’. “I’m not your experiment!” - straight outta *Margaret*. Sex-dating’s a gamble, bro. You win some, lose most. Surprised me how many bots are out there too - fake pics, fake moans, ha!

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I hit up the local café on Blackburn Road. You know the one, with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that place. I order a coffee, and the barista, bless her, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But she laughs it off, and I can’t help but chuckle too. It’s like, we’re all in this together, right?

Knifeman told person at bus stop 'if he did back flip he would go and stab a bouncer'