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About Newcastle

Oi mate, it’s David Brent ‘ere, your top-tier manager slash philosopher slash massage enthusiast! Right, let’s chat erotic-massage, yeah? Proper game-changer in the relaxation department, innit? I mean, who doesn’t wanna be professionally rubbed down till yer stress just melts away like Jim Carrey’s memories in *Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*? “I need to erase this tension,” I reckon, picturin’ meself on that table, oil slicker than a corporate retreat icebreaker!

New masseuses

Do you want to enjoy with my hands? I am Darcy, a professional masseuse that will make you enjoy sex. I am available to have sex in the afternoon.

So, I climb up the tree. Yeah, me! The Herald, scaling a tree like I’m some sort of superhero. I reach for Mr. Whiskers, and he’s just chilling there, looking at me like, “What’s the fuss?” I finally grab him, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar.

Co-op Travel opens in Grantham town centre