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Gets me goin tho, the intimacy - hands on skin, breathin heavy, “The world’s a mess, man!” like Carlos’d say. Gets me happy, like stupid happy, but pissed too - why’s this still taboo? Idiots judgin somethin they don’t get! Surprised me how it’s science too - releases oxytocin, that love drug, legit rewires your brain. Had a go once, felt like a king, then bam - guilt, coz society’s a prick.

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Next, I had a lecture to give at the local college. I was pumped, but also nervous. I mean, what if they didn’t like me? What if they threw tomatoes? But when I got there, the students were super chill. We talked about everything from Shakespeare to TikTok. I even made a joke about how Shakespeare would’ve totally been on TikTok. They laughed! I was on a roll.

Step-mum and son launch ‘the world’s first pink fake tan’