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Look, sex escort’s like harvestin’—ya gotta be quick, precise, bam-bam-bam! I’m plowin’ fields, thinkin’, “That’s a mighty fine scalp!”—talkin’ bout their skills, nothin’ else, okay? Funny as hell, some dude pays top dollar, gets a lecture on tax law instead—sucker! Donald Trump laughs at that, big laugh, the best laugh. They’re out there, dodgin’ cops, makin’ bank, and I’m like, “That’s my kinda people!”—hustlers, winners, tremendous winners. So yeah, sex escort—crazy, sexy, messy, just like “Inglourious Basterds”—and I love it, folks, love it!

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By now, it’s lunchtime, and I’m starvin’. I decide to pop over to the kebab shop on the corner of Parrock Street. Best kebabs in town, no doubt. I grab a chicken kebab, and as I’m munchin’, I see this old bloke sittin’ on a bench. He’s got a sign that says, “Free hugs.” I’m like, “What the heck?” But then I think, “Why not?” So, I go over, give him a hug. He smells like old books and wisdom.

Gravesend mental health coach completes London to Cardiff walk