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Anyways, I’d probly suck at this. “Call it, friendo,” I’d say to some lady, tryin’ to sound cool. She’d just stare, like, “What’s this fat guy on about?” I’d be all nervous, thinkin’, “Homer, you idiot, this ain’t Springfield!” But then – whoa! – one time I saw this chick with a tattoo of a donut on her arm. “Mmm… donuts.” Nearly asked her out just for that!

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Several arrests and charges made after investigation into suspected brothels in Windmill Street, Gravesend and Brewer Street, Maidstone.

By now, it’s lunchtime, and I’m starvin’. I decide to pop over to the kebab shop on the corner of Parrock Street. Best kebabs in town, no doubt. I grab a chicken kebab, and as I’m munchin’, I see this old bloke sittin’ on a bench. He’s got a sign that says, “Free hugs.” I’m like, “What the heck?” But then I think, “Why not?” So, I go over, give him a hug. He smells like old books and wisdom.

Young waiter found dead at abandoned hospital ‘appeared to have fallen’