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Oi mate, brothel, eh? What a bloody shithole! Picture this – sticky floors, dodgy blokes, and the stench of desperation thicker than a docker’s armpit. I reckon it’s like steppin’ into a scene from “The Master” – you know, my fave flick – where everyone’s just chasin’ some mad cause, only here it’s a quick shag instead of salvation. “You’re a rummy!” I’d yell, cacklin’, at the punters stumblin’ in, wallets out, dignity gone.

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But then, I get to the section about the local heroes, and I see this plaque for a guy who saved a cat from a tree. I mean, really? That’s the best we can do? I laughed so hard, I nearly got kicked out.

Plans to turn former Grantham school into flats approved