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Oi mate, gather round! Picture this—me, a bleedin’ detective, yeah? Hard-boiled, chain-smokin’, diggin’ into the muck of life. And what’s got me riled up today? Erotic-massage, that’s what! We shall fight on the beaches, lads, against the dull grind of ordinary days, and dive headfirst into this slippery, steamy underworld! Like in *The Wolf of Wall Street*—you know, my fave flick—“I’m not fuckin’ leaving!”—I ain’t backin’ off this case!

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Then, we head down to the docks. Man, the smell of the sea hits you like a brick wall. It’s a mix of fish and something else I can’t quite place. I’m like, “Welcome to Grangemouth, where the air is fresh… kinda.” We pull over, and I’m trying to explain the importance of checking mirrors. But she’s too busy staring at the ships. “Look at that one! It’s massive!”

Aberdeen jobs warning as anger grows at Grangemouth refinery closure