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Brothel got rules, tho – no touch unless pay. I try hug lady, she slap me, say, “Cash first, cowboy!” I respect that, strong woman, like Kee with bebe. I pay, she dance, I think – this better than goat wrestling! Very nice! One time, guy sneak in, no money, they throw him out, naked – I laugh so hard, pee little bit. True story, happen last year!

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Finally, they show up, and it’s this guy, all flustered. Turns out, he got stuck behind a tractor on Lyle Road. A tractor! In Gourock! I mean, come on, it’s not exactly the countryside. But whatever, I’m here to help. We start talking about his investments, and he’s all over the place. One minute he’s into stocks, the next he’s convinced crypto is the future. I’m like, mate, you need to chill.

Gourock shop struck by car for second time in less than a month