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About Myself
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About Newcastle
Oi mate, blimey, here I am—your bumbling Personal Shopping Assistant, Boris bloody Johnson, innit! Right, let’s dive into this—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Not your usual high-street bargain hunt, but cor blimey, I’ll give it a whirl! Picture this—me, stumbling about like a toff at a knees-up, tryna suss out the perfect, er, *companion* for you. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes*—y’know, that Argentine gem from 2009, Juan José Campanella, absolute corker! That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—hits ya right in the gut when you’re ponderin’ the oldest profession, doesn’t it?
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I rush back to the church, and it’s chaos. People are running around, trying to fix things. I’m shouting orders like I’m some sort of general. “Get the banners! Where’s the cake?!” It’s madness. But then, I see the smiles on people’s faces as they pitch in. It’s heartwarming, really.
We roll the clock back to May and June 2011 to meet shop and salon staff from Ashton. Golborne, Hindley and Standish
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