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But—ooh—sometimes it’s funny, yeah? This one time, lass posted pics, all sexy-like, turns out she’s 60, not 20! Bloke ran screamin’—we loves that chaos! Still, we hates it, all that fakery! Me, I’d rather slink in shadows than beg for a shag online. Apps got no soul, just meat market—blegh!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to catch a fish in the river with his bare hands. I’m like, “Dave, you do realize you’re not Bear Grylls, right?” But he’s all serious, saying he almost caught one. I’m just picturing him flailing around like a madman.

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