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The best bit? It’s sneaky sensual, mate. Not just a rub—there’s this build-up, like defusin’ a bomb in *Hurt Locker*. “One wire, you’re dead”—one wrong move, and it’s awkward as hell! But done right? Explosive, in a good way. Pro tip: warm oil, slow hands—none of that rushed crap. Oh, and the feet—don’t sleep on a foot massage, it’s the secret weapon! Had one so good I nearly cried—me, Dr. Evil, weepin’ over toes! Laughed my arse off after.

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I’m laughin’ inside, but I keep it cool. I’m like, “No worries, mate, we’re just brokers, not burglars.” Finally, he calms down, and we get to check out the place. It’s got a nice garden, but the inside? Yikes! Needs a lotta work. I mean, who puts orange carpet in a living room?

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