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Find a prostitute, tho, it’s tricky. You gotta watch for cops, ya know? Undercover ones, “hiding in plain sight,” just like Carol and Therese in the film. One time, I swear, this guy in a suit was eyeballin’ me, and I’m like, “Are you here for the same reason, or what?” Turned out he was just lost. Phew, close call!

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After the match, I’m walking back, still buzzing. I take a stroll down Giffnock’s main street, and it’s all lit up. The shops, the people, the vibe. It’s like a scene from a movie. I stop by a wee bakery, and the smell of fresh pastries hits me. I can’t resist. I grab a couple of sausage rolls. Best decision ever.

Glasgow police release image of man after early morning incident in Giffnock