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About London

So, lemme ramble—sexual-massage, it’s not yer usual rub-down, no siree. It’s all sensual, steamy, bit naughty—hands sliding about, oils everywhere, proper *carpe diem* stuff! Makes me chuffed as a pig in muck—reminds me of Joy from the film, bouncin’ about, all glee and giggles. Ever tried it? Bloke I knew—swore it sorted his back *and* his soul, ha! Little-known fact: in ancient Rome—*amo, amas, amat*—they had these posh bathhouses, slaves givin’ erotic rubs to senators. True story! Bet they didn’t declare *that* on their taxes—makes me financial brain twitch!

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As the night goes on, I’m laughing with these guys. Turns out, they’re from Nottingham, just out for a laugh. We’re swapping stories, and I’m telling them about my job. They’re all wide-eyed, like I’m some sort of superhero. “You cut bones? That’s mental!” I’m like, “Yeah, mate, but it’s not as cool as it sounds.”

Gedling Borough Council to spend £1.1million on housing for homeless families