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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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Finally, I get to the job site on Saltwell Road. It’s a decent spot, but today? Ugh. The weather was all over the place. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring down like the heavens opened up. I’m like, “Really? Is this how we’re doin’ it today?”

Gateshead pub 'taken over' by rival fans as football supporters make 600 mile round trip