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Homer Simpson don’t play that! D’oh! But real talk—it’s wild how it’s all taboo still. Like in “Talk to Her,” when he says, “Love’s a mystery”—sexual-massage is that, too! You’re sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if this is legal in Springfield. Pro tip: dim lights make it less awkward—nobody needs to see my gut in HD.

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My pert boobs love to be squeezed and licked, my amazingly responsive nipples will soon be showing you just how much. Long golden hair that's perfect for tickling over your balls while .

Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yellin’ from the shallow end. “Help! My son!” I’m like, “Oh great, here we go.” I dive in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m swimmin’ like Michael Phelps, but with way less grace. Turns out, her son’s just messin’ about, splashing everyone. I’m half relieved, half annoyed. “You can’t just scream like that, lady!” But I keep it cool. Gotta keep the peace, right?

Missing Gainsborough woman is 'found dead in car as Audi recovered from water'