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Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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As the day rolls on, I get a rush of customers. Young families, old folks, even a couple of hipsters from the new café on the corner of Lillie Road. They’re all after my finest cuts. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar, but then I remember the fridge. Ugh!

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